The heaviest chemical element yet  known to science

 A major research institution has recently announced  the discovery of 
the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new  element 
has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12  
assistant neutrons,75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy 
neutrons, giving  it an atomic mass of 312.


 These 312 particles are held together by  forces called morons, which 
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like  particles called 
peons.

 Since governmentium has no electrons, it is  inert. However, it can be 
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it  comes into 
contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to take  
over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a > second.

 Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years; it does not 
decay,but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the 
assistant  neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

 In fact, governmentium's  mass will actually increase over time, since 
each reorganization causes some  morons to become neutrons, forming 
isodopes.

 This characteristic of  moron-promotion leads some scientists to 
speculate that governmentium is formed  whenever morons reach a 
certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical  quantity is 
referred to as "Critical Morass".

 You will know it when you  see it.